Dear NBC programming executives,
I demand answers. How can the hours of 8-10 pm on Thursdays be so awesome and full of so much win when literally every other hour of every other day of the week on your network is so preposterously awful? How can said vortex of suck inexplicably reverse itself so wholly and completely for such a brief period of time? Do you have some sort of complex device utilizing quantum physics, bio mechanics, and black magic to achieve such a feat? Could this device be used for better purposes like curing diseases or addressing world food and water shortages? Please respond to me directly. Thank you for your time.
P.S. - While I greatly appreciate the adorable overload of Allison Brie, Gillian Jacobs, Rashida Jones, and Elizabeth Banks during your Thursday night awesomeness I recognize these as blatant efforts to get me to forget about ConanGate. I won't be fooled by your tricks.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
very cool
Check out the interesting work of sculptor and installation artist Adam Parker Smith.
http://adamparkersmith.com/home.html
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Happy Birthday Chuck Norris....
Chuck Norris celebrates many years of kicking ass today when he turns 70 years old. Correction, 70 years old turns Chuck Norris today.
Interestingly, I refuse to believe that Corey Haim dying on the same day that is Chuck Norris's birthday is a coincidence.
In order to commemorate such an auspicious day I give you the top 10 facts about Chuck Norris:
01 Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
03 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
04 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
05 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
06 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
07 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08 Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
09 They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
10 A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Spreading some Awesomeness....
I am stating something this week which hopefully will be a regular occurrence, I shall call it....Spreading Some Awesomeness, wherein I will spread some awesomeness. I believe the children are our future and in the name of said belief I shall share awesomeness because it is awesome and it is not awesome to bogart the awesome and not share it. I suppose it is pretty self-explanatory. Here is the inaugural spreading....
I follow a film maker and comedian on Twitter named James Gunn and he recently put together a new list of The 16 Rules of Fight Club. Since there is so much win here I thought I would re-post. Again, while I would love to be able to associate myself with this level of genius, I did not come up with these, I am simply spreading the awesomeness...
here is a link to his website: http://www.jamesgunn.com/2010/03/09/the-16-rules-of-fight-club/
1st Rule of Fight Club? Don’t talk about ‘potpourri’.
2nd Rule of Fight Club: Don’t put a cigarette in your penis and pretend like it’s smoking.
3rd Rule of Fight Club: Always know where Fight Club is held, so you don’t need to stop and ask for directions to Fight Club.
4th Rule of Fight Club: The safe word is “Bernadette Peters.”
5th Rule of Fight Club: Don’t put peanuts in any of the pot luck items. Sal is deathly allergic.
6th Rule of Fight Club: Turn off your cell phone.
7th Rule of Fight Club: No one wearing any Ed Hardy apparel will be allowed to enter Fight Club.
8th Rule of Fight Club: You have to admit, it’s still fucking hilarious when Philip does jazz hands in the middle of a fight.
9th Rule of Fight Club: No, the Lord’s Prayer at the end of Fight Club is not necessary, but please be respectful of others who pray during this time.
10th Rule of Fight Club: Just wearing a Ramones T-shirt doesn’t make you hip.
11th Rule of Fight Club: Anyone sending me a Facebook invitation to play Farmville will be immediately ejected from Fight Club.
12th Rule of Fight Club: Don’t flush the paper towels. We’ve had a lot of plumbing problems from idiots doing this.
13th Rule of Fight Club: No air saxophone in Fight Club.
14th Rule of Fight Club: Don’t do a “retarded voice” in Fight Club. It may be funny to you, but Kenny’s brother has Down syndrome and he’s, understandably, sensitive.
15th Rule of Fight Club: This is supposed to be fun! Smile, you guys!
16th Rule of Fight Club: IN FIGHT CLUB, THERE ARE NO RULES (besides the preceding 15 rules. Especially that retarded thing: seriously not cool.)
I follow a film maker and comedian on Twitter named James Gunn and he recently put together a new list of The 16 Rules of Fight Club. Since there is so much win here I thought I would re-post. Again, while I would love to be able to associate myself with this level of genius, I did not come up with these, I am simply spreading the awesomeness...
here is a link to his website: http://www.jamesgunn.com/2010/03/09/the-16-rules-of-fight-club/
1st Rule of Fight Club? Don’t talk about ‘potpourri’.
2nd Rule of Fight Club: Don’t put a cigarette in your penis and pretend like it’s smoking.
3rd Rule of Fight Club: Always know where Fight Club is held, so you don’t need to stop and ask for directions to Fight Club.
4th Rule of Fight Club: The safe word is “Bernadette Peters.”
5th Rule of Fight Club: Don’t put peanuts in any of the pot luck items. Sal is deathly allergic.
6th Rule of Fight Club: Turn off your cell phone.
7th Rule of Fight Club: No one wearing any Ed Hardy apparel will be allowed to enter Fight Club.
8th Rule of Fight Club: You have to admit, it’s still fucking hilarious when Philip does jazz hands in the middle of a fight.
9th Rule of Fight Club: No, the Lord’s Prayer at the end of Fight Club is not necessary, but please be respectful of others who pray during this time.
10th Rule of Fight Club: Just wearing a Ramones T-shirt doesn’t make you hip.
11th Rule of Fight Club: Anyone sending me a Facebook invitation to play Farmville will be immediately ejected from Fight Club.
12th Rule of Fight Club: Don’t flush the paper towels. We’ve had a lot of plumbing problems from idiots doing this.
13th Rule of Fight Club: No air saxophone in Fight Club.
14th Rule of Fight Club: Don’t do a “retarded voice” in Fight Club. It may be funny to you, but Kenny’s brother has Down syndrome and he’s, understandably, sensitive.
15th Rule of Fight Club: This is supposed to be fun! Smile, you guys!
16th Rule of Fight Club: IN FIGHT CLUB, THERE ARE NO RULES (besides the preceding 15 rules. Especially that retarded thing: seriously not cool.)
Friday, March 5, 2010
If you are having a bad day...
In an attempt to utilize perhaps the most generic phrase in recorded history I shall start this post with the phrase...we all have bad days. As they are unavoidable, it is really how we handle those bad days that defines us as people in a lot of ways. Some people have a delicious cocktail or beer (both excellent cures) others meditate (also an excellent cure) but a lot of times at work or out and about we can't throw down a stiff cocktail or take 15 minutes in lotus position. ( a minor digression here...seriously, how the fuck do people sit like that, even for a few seconds? I think even indian style is an uncomfortable seated position...) Anyway, so now I present to you my patented Bad Day Cure....Please follow these steps to the letter, its pretty simple. All you need is Pandora, an excellent free internet radio station. If you don't have it already go get it immediately. They also have it for mobile phones as well. It allows you to create your own stations based on artists you like and then it plays songs and artists similar to that. It is freakin genius...
So here we go:
1. take a deep breath
2. Open up Pandora
3. Create a new station starting with the artist Al Green.
4. Sit back and listen for 20 minutes
I guarantee you will feel better after this.
In case you are a complete retard and aren't aware of the sweet sounds of Mr.Green's soul music, here is a sample. Preach on brother, preach on:
So here we go:
1. take a deep breath
2. Open up Pandora
3. Create a new station starting with the artist Al Green.
4. Sit back and listen for 20 minutes
I guarantee you will feel better after this.
In case you are a complete retard and aren't aware of the sweet sounds of Mr.Green's soul music, here is a sample. Preach on brother, preach on:
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Cole Trickle...
Its a good day to be alive.
For those of you that know me you know that I am, at times, prone to some hyperbole, this is not one of those cases. I don't say that to be dramatic but after a pretty serious car accident in the rain on the freeway on Saturday afternoon, I really am glad to be alive.
I was driving back down to San Diego from Newport Beach on Saturday afternoon and it was raining pretty hard but nothing I hadn't been through before. I was just past the Birmingham exit on the 5 in Encinitas and in the fast lane going around 50 or so, nothing too fast when all of a sudden out of nowhere I was spinning. It was one of the most frightening things I have ever experienced in my life. I was spinning and skidding across three lanes of the freeway and ended up stopped facing the wrong way. A guy in a silver pick up then hit me head on. It was exactly how most people describe it, a blur and then slow mo. Crazy, it could have been bad, very, very bad.
It was a miraculous situation, thankfully, no one was hurt. Behind our two cars, two other cars had spun out and crashed, minor damage and no injuries there either. The damage to my car was not very significant given the severity of what occurred before we hit, I even drove it home. The other guy's car was quite messed up and un-driveable however.
here is a picture of my car (click for larger):
As you can see there is some damage but not much considering the accident.
I remember standing on the side of the freeway looking at my car facing the wrong way, smashed up on another car, with cars driving by on the freeway and just thinking to myself "What. The. Fuck?" Very surreal. Needless to say I went home and had some wine. My guardian angels were looking out for me on Saturday.
A few days post and I am feeling better after a few days of reeling mentally and struggling to stop playing it all over in my head. I guess this is why you have car insurance. Plus I have a sweet sparkly purple Hyundai rental car. Oh yeah, that was not a typo, it is indeed purple. Like Grimace purple, grape jolly rancher purple. Awesome? Hell yeah. However, I have no game talking to girls at the coffee shop after they saw me get out of a purple Hyundai. I guess it is a small price to pay temporarily. Especially considering I DIDN'T DIE.
Be safe out there fair readers....
For those of you that know me you know that I am, at times, prone to some hyperbole, this is not one of those cases. I don't say that to be dramatic but after a pretty serious car accident in the rain on the freeway on Saturday afternoon, I really am glad to be alive.
I was driving back down to San Diego from Newport Beach on Saturday afternoon and it was raining pretty hard but nothing I hadn't been through before. I was just past the Birmingham exit on the 5 in Encinitas and in the fast lane going around 50 or so, nothing too fast when all of a sudden out of nowhere I was spinning. It was one of the most frightening things I have ever experienced in my life. I was spinning and skidding across three lanes of the freeway and ended up stopped facing the wrong way. A guy in a silver pick up then hit me head on. It was exactly how most people describe it, a blur and then slow mo. Crazy, it could have been bad, very, very bad.
It was a miraculous situation, thankfully, no one was hurt. Behind our two cars, two other cars had spun out and crashed, minor damage and no injuries there either. The damage to my car was not very significant given the severity of what occurred before we hit, I even drove it home. The other guy's car was quite messed up and un-driveable however.
here is a picture of my car (click for larger):
As you can see there is some damage but not much considering the accident.
I remember standing on the side of the freeway looking at my car facing the wrong way, smashed up on another car, with cars driving by on the freeway and just thinking to myself "What. The. Fuck?" Very surreal. Needless to say I went home and had some wine. My guardian angels were looking out for me on Saturday.
A few days post and I am feeling better after a few days of reeling mentally and struggling to stop playing it all over in my head. I guess this is why you have car insurance. Plus I have a sweet sparkly purple Hyundai rental car. Oh yeah, that was not a typo, it is indeed purple. Like Grimace purple, grape jolly rancher purple. Awesome? Hell yeah. However, I have no game talking to girls at the coffee shop after they saw me get out of a purple Hyundai. I guess it is a small price to pay temporarily. Especially considering I DIDN'T DIE.
Be safe out there fair readers....
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