If a bird flies in an airplane....

Over the weekend my friend The Russian Spy told me a hilarious story about a recent avian encounter she had whilst navigating the peril that is airport security. The story is as follows...As the Spy was unloading her carry on and removing her stylish, yet professional shoes she noticed the lady in front of her unloading some sort of pet carrying contraption. Imagine her surprise when, rather than some sort of cat or small rat-like dog, the lady removed a large parrot from the cage. Adding to the already comedic yet horrific scene, at the precise moment the filthy beast was removed from its mobile prison it took to the air with hatred and fury in its beady bird eyes heading directly at The Spy. Letting out a shriek of pure terror The Spy leapt out of the way and the filthy beast landed on the ground and began squawking unmercifully. The owner of The Spy's new avian enemy admonished her for scaring the beast, unfairly so, when in reality the bird clearly attacked her and The Spy was simply avoiding what surely would have been a horrible pecking about the face and neck region.

With the beast now subdued in the woman's clutches she proceeded to carry it in her arms like a small child as she moved through the metal detector. The Spy looked on in disgust and horror as the woman whispered calming words to the beast and stroked it lovingly.

Absolutely brilliant. Can you even imagine witnessing this hilarity as you stood in line? And yet I can't help but consider a few things...

First off...THIS IS HOW WE FUCKING GET BIRD FLU!!! I mean come on, completely inappropriate. Keep your disease ridden, Spy attacking, evil birds at home.

Secondly, if a bird, itself being a creature who can fly, flies in an airplane, it being a machine that flies, does this create some sort of universal paradox that can undue the fabric of the space time continuum? Is there any human equivalent to this situation?

Dammit...where is Doc Brown when we need him.

Just some things to consider friends....and yes, if it is not as of yet abundantly clear, I do dislike birds a great deal. Except for falcons. Falcons are awesome. Even more awesome? Falconry. ITS THE SPORT OF KINGS!

I hope the Spy got the proper vaccinations after this encounter.